Mama Hugs.

That’s really what childhood is all about, isn’t it?

Lots and lots and lots of Mama hugs.

At least, that’s what every child needs.

This painting has a long story that goes with it.

For the last several weeks, Isabela’s teacher has been letting the kids out early and giving them recess out on the playground at the end of the day. Most kids, I suspect, love this. But for Isabela, if I am not there outside her door when she is let out (which is impossible for me to know when they will be let out, now they they have recess every once in a while), well, it’s just too much for her little heart and she cries and cries and cries until I get there.

So I decided to to make her a “Love Bag” for those times when she is feeling sad, lonely and worried that I won’t be there to pick her up. The Love Bag is a little piece of me that she can physically and emotionally “hold on to” when I am not there. Something that reminds her how much I love her, makes her feel special and brings joy to her heart. Something that makes her feel loved.

I suspect that the Love Bag will be a continuously evolving entity and will grow as she grows. I have plans to make a very special bag with beautiful material that she chose and to laminate some photos of the two of us and of our family to add to it.

For now, inside the Love Bag there are a few dried fruit snacks, a little bag of raisins, a heart note that tells her I love her and most recently, this watercolor painting of the two of us hugging.

But the real story, the story that inspired me to create this Love Bag, has been the completely life transforming and paradigm shifting changes within me, all inspired from an 8 hour video course by Gordon Neufeld, entitled, The Power to Parent: The Vital Connection. As I’ve mentioned before, he is one of my all time favorite authors, and his book, Hold Onto Your Kids, is one of my all time favorite books. But this video course just took the whole attachement parenting to a new level. A deep, deep, life changing level. The kind of level that has triggered reflections and new understandings about my own childhood, about my own self, about all of my relationships, about my children, about the way I parent, about everything.

And it is certainly no coincidence that the video arrived to me, in the mail, on the first day of the Baha’i Fast (whose purpose is mind, body and soul transformation). And it is certainly no coincidence that the medicine from my Chinese doctor started kicking in on the first day of the Baha’i Fast and it’s been detoxing and cleansing my body ever since (if anyone has ever “detoxed” you know just how rotten you feel during that time). And it is certainly no coincidence that we started building an extra room in the house during the Fast, meaning that Chris would come home from work, then go to work downstairs building the room, which meant that I was by myself with all the kids all day and all night. All of these stresses where enormous triggers for transformation.

It’s been overwhelming, exhausting, made me sick, made me sob for an entire day, made me angry, pissed off, yell and scream, made me depressed. In short, it’s made me FEEL. And it’s helped to peel away the layers on my heart which I have built over years and years and years to hide my vulnerability and protect myself from the pain of separation and heart ache from not feeling a sense of unconditional love in my life.

As I learned in the attachment parenting videos, in order to strongly attach and connect with your children, they have be vulnerable, depend on you and open up their heart to you. But the won’t do that it if is not safe or if there is a threat of separation, which is a pain too much to bear. Well, how can I possibly open up their heart, if my heart is not open? As my sister said, “Attachment parenting feels so foreign that I might as well be parenting on Mars.”

I still have 2 more sets of attachment parenting video courses to watch: Helping Children Grow Up and Common Challenges. And much, much, much more life transformation awaiting me.